Heart Sense, Life Sense

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Heart Sense, Life Sense Most recent entry: May 9, 2010

Sensible reflections on life and love. Bringing head and heart together for better living.

sense (from Merriam-Webster online dictionary):

1. Feeling or mechanism of perception;

2. Conscious awareness or rationality;

3. Implies a reliable ability to judge and decide with soundness, prudence, and intelligence

1.1 I only want a tall boy. (May 9, 2010)

I have heard this sort of comment from some girls and, frankly, I find it short-sighted.

It is fine to be attracted to tall boys (or tall men for that matter) and to recognize that this is one of the traits on your ‘list’ of what you look for in a guy. We usually have quite a few traits on that list, some of them are physical characteristics (height, hair colour, face shape, length and shape of fingers…), some are personality traits (sense of humour, loyalty, kindness, ambition,…) some of them are interests we want to have our partner share with us (loves dogs, likes action-adventure movies, plays music, …). We may even have some life experiences on that list (university graduate, well-travelled, has lived in the country-side,…). Other traits get added to the ‘list’ as a result of relationship experiences. ‘Must be emotionally whole’ is high up on my list.

So back to tall. Having tall on your list is perfectly fine. Saying you won’t even consider a boy unless he is tall though, seems somewhat limiting.

There may be some practical reasons to have a preference for tall. There are some societal advantages given to tall people. At least with white males in the U.S. there are studies (Study 1, Study 2, Study 3) that show that society discriminates in favour tall people and that, on average, tall people make more money than shorter people. So then what is wrong with discriminating right along with society and also going with a tall guy? Don’t you want your guy to be able to make a good living? Well, the problem with that is that the studies are only looking at averages. You are going to be choosing a specific person to be with, not a statistical average. Many people beat the averages every day. If that weren’t the case then North American average height Bill Gates would be making just a North American average income.

So how else is a single-minded focus on height going to limit you? Well, think about your list. How many traits are on it? 10? 20? Maybe even 30 or more? What are the chances of finding a single person who meets all of the criteria on your list at the same time? Very likely, you are not going to find your idealized guy. But you know what, that’s okay. Flesh and blood people are much more interesting than idealized fantasies and they are full of surprising appeals. You may find someone who matches 15 of the 20 things on your list and has other traits you never knew you would find interesting too. Being open to possibilities outside your list increases the chances that when a good match (notice I said ‘a’ good match, not ‘the’ match – but that is a grammar and life lesson for other article) for you comes along, that you will notice.

If you don’t even consider, or notice, guys who are ‘too short’ then you are rejecting possibilities before you even know how they rank on all of the other items on your list – many of which are much better indicators of someone who will be a good boyfriend (and perhaps someday, husband).

And one last thought for your consideration. How would you feel about a guy who focussed on just one physical characteristic of girls? If he would only consider dating girls with, say, big breasts wouldn’t you consider that a bit superficial?

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